I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
