i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
