3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
