Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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