u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize