I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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