Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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