I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
