kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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