I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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