Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
