i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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