At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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