Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
