Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
