Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
