The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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