You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
