Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
