Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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