you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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