C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
