Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
