I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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