I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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