her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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