so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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