yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.