I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.