i don't like sucking hair
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks