I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you