I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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