I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...