i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.