but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
