my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...