I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
It's blow job season.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that