I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
