I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
50% drunk capacity currently
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
