I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
