I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
