theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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