Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize