Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
