Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
