oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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