i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
