I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
