call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
