i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
