you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
