i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
