Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We left an ass print on the piano.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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