I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
