Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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