Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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