I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
