Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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