my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
