Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
