do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
