i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
