exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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