If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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