You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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