She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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