Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
