I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's the barista slut.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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