accomplished twins. life is a go
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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