My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
