I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
