do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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