Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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