he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
50% drunk capacity currently
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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