it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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