____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
