you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
