My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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