Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
