beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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