There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
