If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
