What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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