I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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