I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
