Welp...herpes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Green mimosas i think yes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
