You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
