Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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