I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
