Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
