I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
