So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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