I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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