# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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