those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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