Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
