i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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