remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
